CHAPTER 3.

The 21 Day Workshops

The building was nice and although it was in a housing estate it had spacious grounds. The workshop lecturer was an older man called John Ralph. He was OK, down to earth and a sense of humour. There was a junior lecturer called Peter Langhan (I might have spelt his name wrong). But I felt that the unconditional love for the world which Mark had taught was missing. I Mark was a man who had a combination of beauty and love whom could reach out and raise you up. In its place there was an emphasis on individualism, that is personal sin and confession ie the Way of Beauty type faith. Which I thought is valid but missing the other form of faith, Way of Love. This is important – one half of the Holy Spirit and intellectual theory was missing.

My own personal foundation was on the desire to build an ideal world, so the 21 Day Workshop was a failure for me.

Conversely, my personal sin was very bad, especially my desire to masturbate nightly (I was abstaining on the workshops, which was a problem).

At that time I really felt for a sorrowful God. This workshop was the centre for education in Europe and I felt it was a failing in this mission.

So, I thought, What can I do? I thought I can love the lecturers and the clients and raise the standard up. So, that’s what I did.

I remember there were about 30 people for the evening meal and they asked for volunteers to wash up, which I did. But after a couple of days the other volunteers drifted away. But I stuck at it. One evening I did the washing up for an hour and a half and then went to the social event in the evening. When I arrived I was presented with an award for the best student of the week. I was flattered. The next week I carried on with the washing up, but there was no award.

So, this conceptualises my feeling about the Western man’s spirit – it is beautiful but selfish. I was different. I’m a Westerner but also I want to help build a better world through giving. So, the workshop was a problem for me. In the Principle we talk about the Foundation of Faith. At the workshop there was no Foundation of Faith for building a better world through giving (I mean a Purpose for Whole aspect) which meant there was no good loving subject for me to follow. My life of faith was prevented from developing. I couldn’t relax and enjoy the workshop instead I found myself feeling sorrowful for God and with a feeling of responsibility. I think Yukiko understood this.

So, for me, the workshop was a disappointment. Afterwards, Yukiko asked me if I would like to join, I replied that I still wasn’t 100% sure. So, I returned to college and soon after Yukiko was sent to the European HQ

in Frankfurt, Germany. There she had a very senior role praying for the spiritual protection of President Kim.

The Japanese left the Liverpool Centre and a blessed couple, Jenny and Eric, took over. After 6 months I went to see them and I asked to do a second 21 Day Workshop after which I would apply to join. They agreed.

So, I went for the workshop. This time, Peter was the full time lecturer, which meant that there was even more emphasis on individual purpose and there was no purpose for whole aspect at all. No giving out unconditionally.

I was getting very tired now, but I decided I would do my best to love the workshop including Peter.

A lecture that Peter gave was to recount his fundraising experience in America. There was a Western team and a Japanese team and they were competing for the highest sales. He said the Western team was very relaxed and creative (emphasising freedom of the individual and being an object of beauty to receive God’s love) and the Japanese team was very gung-ho, determined and disciplined (emphasising collective responsibility and giving love to God). He said the Western team won. But he put it in such a way as to say the Japanese way was wrong – not a valid different type of faith.

Peter and I didn’t get on. In lectures we fought over eye contact, I stared at him until my gaze fell away and I ended up looking at his crotch. One lunch hour I told him I intended to join. A little while after that Peter called me to his room and he said that he didn’t think my workshop was going well. I told him that all I wanted to do was to love the workshop and raise it up spiritually.

Peter was livid. He felt I was leaving my position as Cain and trying to take over his position as leader – which wasn’t true at all. He told me I had to leave and straightaway.

So, late at night I was driven to Euston station and I was put on the night train. In Euston I prayed and put my finger in a Holy Book and I read ‘You need friends’. The train arrived in Liverpool at 5am and as I got off the train to my amazement I saw Jenny getting of the same train. She said You should be on the workshop, so I told her I had been kicked off. She said, Go home and come to see me tomorrow.

Now Jenny and Eric were not my cup of tea. They seemed very selfish and not even particularly beautiful – I couldn’t understand why they were local church leaders.

At our meeting Jenny said I couldn’t join as an A member but only a Home Church member, or B member. This broke my heart.

I remember going out onto the rocks by the sea and praying to God that I will never stop loving people for as long as it takes. You see, in those days my spiritual foundation was singularly one of giving. I had no concept of being a pure object of beauty for God to love – which is incorrect. So, I saw the world through these eyes.

When I saw Peter, Jenny and Eric I saw they were not people who had a foundation of faith based on giving and my solution to this problem was to give love to them until they are raised up enough to return the favour.

To be honest, if I had met Jenny and Eric in any social situation I wouldn’t have given them the benefit of any of my time. I didn’t like them at all.

They were small minded self-centred types and not even beautiful. But that was the situation God had put me in so I accepted it. I decided I would try to love Jenny and Eric.

So, straight-away I started fundraising with them. I felt by raising money for them they would feel God’s love from me. I would give them a living income – surely they would understand that?

They were cruel. They had no respect for me. When we fundraised we had a lunch. Jenny made a big performance of giving me a large Cornish pasty, but it was mainly pastry. I was living on welfare and I was very, very poor.