CHAPTER 2.

My conversion to a life of faith

About 2 weeks after this event Yukiko came to me to said that she had been offered a promotion to work as a staff member in the 7 Day Workshop centre in a farm in Swindon. She told me she had prayed about it, opened a book and read what she saw and then she knew she had to go. I believe God was taking Yukiko away because I had become evil in my relations with her – it was a judgement.

Once she was in South Farm she wrote to me and she said the workshop lecturer reminded her of me – his name was Mark Palmer.

So, following the honey, inevitably I went for a 7 Day Workshop. And of course I met Mark. Mark was the most inspirational workshop leader – he was wonderful – and there was competition between him and myself for Yukiko’s affections.

Once there Yukiko told me a secret. The UK church leader, a Japanese member called Mr Abe, had sent her to the farm to care for Mark, because Mark was threatening to leave the family.

The workshop changed me. The Holy Spirit was there and I felt it. Sinful thoughts left me. When I was there I phoned my parents to tell them where I was, they were critical.

So, I came back to Liverpool and I started attending the local church centre – in a way I considered myself a follower and member. But I would not fully commit and ask to join until I had done further research – I’m very careful and conscientious. What if this movement wasn’t perfectly working to build the ideal world I dreamed of? I wanted to be absolutely certain before I would give it my full support.

At that time I was doing a work placement in a telecoms manufacturing facility. There were many girls there and I got friendly with one in particular, a disabled girl (her legs were badly bent) called Brenda. She fell for me and begged me to visit her, so I did. I took the Divine Principle with me and tried to teach it to her – but she was more interested in me. I felt the strong pull.

There were many girls around me and all showing an interest in me – so I wrote to Yukiko – but she didn’t reply.

One evening I went to see Brenda and she seduced me and I went to bed with her and we coupled as far as her disabled body could allow – I didn’t orgasm inside her.

The next morning I went home and there was a letter off Yukiko saying that she was extremely worried and that I couldn’t understand the suffering of Brenda and that’s why she can undermine my defences. I felt judged. I’d committed the Fall and Yukiko’s timely letter was again, God’s judgement.

So, this relationship with Brenda staggered on – but we never coupled again. I drifted away from her and she was distraught even threatening suicide.

Come Christmas I went to London and stayed with Yukiko in a Japanese centre. I told Yukiko what I had done. Yukiko was very shocked and said I could never join the family. I believed it.

From there we went to South Farm. Mark was looking tired. He tried his best but his lectures didn’t have the same powerful uplifting spirit – he was exhausted. I started attending the lectures but Yukiko fell sick with a bad cold and she went to bed.

At the end of the workshop Mark gave me a card in which he said I am his brother.

Yukiko bravely struggled out of bed, dressed very prettily and did her hair and we were all glad to be to be together. Yukiko asked to see Mark’s card and when she read it she said she forgave me for my sin. But I could not forgive myself.

I neglected to mention that Yukiko was engaged at this time. Her husband had been chosen by Sun Myung Moon and he was Japanese. When Yukiko was sick in bed she had dreams and visions of great beauty concerning her marriage. She saw a golden light and dreamed of glorious angels.

So, I came back to Liverpool and I was by now living like an outside member. I tried to write to Mark but I wasn’t happy with any of my letters so I didn’t post them.

Then after another 6 months I inevitably went for a 3rd 7 Day Workshop. Mark was looking worse than ever. The workshop was beginning to fail. Mark apparently was in dispute with the Mr Abe (Japanese) over the fee for the workshop. Mr Abe insisted on a very low fee of £21 for the week, Mark wanted a higher fee. But this meant we all went hungry. You could see this as the beginnings of contradiction in the senior levels of the family – the Japanese way of making a condition for God and the Western way of being relaxed and comfortable in a life of faith.

Paradoxically, Mark was instructed to do a 40 Day Condition. Mark was exhausted, is this really a good idea? This meant he was to leave the farm and go into the world with no money and just a sleeping bag for 40 days.

Mark asked me why I hadn’t written to him. I told him all my letters were screwed up under the coffee table. He was moved.

So, Mark left.

I didn’t like the replacement lecturers. Yukiko asked me what Mark and I had been talking about because she saw a change in him, but I refused to tell her.

Straight after the 7 Day Workshop Yukiko and I left for London and from there we went to Livingstone House in Chislehurst which is where the 21 Day Workshop was held.

When the van arrived 3 lazy men walked up to welcome us – not very enthusiastically or warmly. I had a bad feeling about this.