CHAPTER 9.

God sent his Holy Spirit to be my companion

Then began a vision sequence, I saw by a spiritual light people interacting. Injin chose a deeply rooted guy as a partner and started to have sex with him. The man symbolised Satan, I symbolised Adam.

I was so jealous and lustful but I wasn’t allowed to intervene. I remember that there was hall of shining faces all watching – they were the saints in heaven.

So, this couple had sex, and they orgasmed and then the man (symbolic of Satan) said to Injin, I love you. Then Injin told him Fooled you, I didn’t enjoy it. And in this way the man was healed and captured by Injin.

I was told by Injin You have to forgive us, you mustn’t be jealous or lustful, which I managed.

So, what was happening? It’s the reversal of the Fall ie going through the same event as the Fall, but with a pure and lust less motive. This was the healing of Satan by the messiah’s daughter. It was also a condition for my purification and protection.

During the Fall, according to the Principle, Lucifer had sex with Eve. Lucifer watched as Eve seduced and had sex with Adam. Lucifer needed Adam to have sex with Eve so that he would father a new evil generation.  So, although Lucifer felt jealousy and lust he had to suffer this so that there would be a new generation of fallen children. Injin’s vision was the reversal of this process with a pure motive.

Time went by, and I had contact with a Social Worker called Eddie. When Xmas came I went to the supermarket for my holiday shopping but it was shut. So, the only food I could buy was from a small local shop – just bags of nuts. After Xmas Eddie saw me and how weak and underweight I was and he had me detained by the police and taken into hospital.

This time the hospital was in Chester.

My new doctor had very poor social skills and he put me back on Clopixol. After 6 weeks this was changed to Depixol, which has slightly less side-effects. I was on a 6 month Section which meant I had to stay in hospital and take the medication. I was in hospital for 5 and half months – but I recovered. I was discharged into a half-way house in Chester. In Chester there was a large Day Centre – a club for people with mental health disabilities. I went there. After 2 years in the half-way house I was moved to a Group Home. This was a terraced house with 3 bedrooms, a cellar and a mentally disabled client in each room.

At that time I made many friends, but my best friend was an older Irish lady called Catherine. Although she was in her 50’s and I was in my 30’s we were like a couple. But, because of my understanding of the Fall of Man I refused to start a physical relationship.

This all came to a head when we had a disco at the Centre at night. I danced with Catherine and there was a slow dance. Catherine and I hugged close and I got a little erect and Catherine could feel this. Later in the evening I walked Catherine home. When we got to her flat she said Would you like to come in for a coffee? But, I had the impression that that wasn’t all she was offering – I thought she is asking me for sex. Being a religious man I declined politely.

After this, Catherine changed. She became introverted and depressed. I felt I couldn’t help her. One Sunday I went to meet my friends in a local hotel for drink and I was expecting to see Catherine there.

But then her son appeared – he had come over from Ireland. He said Have you heard about my mother’s accident? I thought, She’s broken a leg. Then he said that she was dead. I was shocked. Apparently, she had committed suicide by putting her head on a railway track.

I never knew she was suicidal. It was clear that my refusal to have sex with her had been the last chance for her to find happiness. What was I doing wrong?

Also, when I came out of hospital I went to study computer programming for a year. But then I made a change. I changed from studying engineering for the sake of a career to studying how to build a better world. I studied A Level Politics by evening class. Then I did one year of intensive Law, part-time. Then I enrolled for a degree in Humanities, again part-time. During this time my Consultant took me off the older Depixol medication and put me on a newer type called Risperidone which was a tablet.

Upon taking the first test dose of Risperidone I had an allergic reaction. My tongue swelled, my eyes closed and I felt extremely tired and ill. I told my nurse and he told my doctor and they stupidly said Persevere with it.

After several weeks I felt worse than being on Depixol and I managed to persuade the doctor to reduce the dose again and again to the point where it was no longer controlling the schizophrenia.

At this time I had a new carer, a girl from New Zealand (with a Welsh mother), her name was Nerys (a Welsh name).

When I first met her I was struck by her. She was sat on her bum as if to say I can say Yes or No to sex – it’s all under my control. I expect because I was unable to do this myself I found her extremely attractive – she broke through my defences. She liked me even though she was taller and younger. It’s hard to describe our chemistry, she had beauty – I had love, she was very much a deeply rooted type.

We flirted for a while and then the Day Centre organised a holiday in a cottage in Snowdonia – I put my name down. And when we went I amazed to find that Nerys was driving the van. By this time I was high again because the dose of tablet was so low. But we all loved being in the mountains and it was a fabulous holiday.