CHAPTER 13

Understanding the FFWPU

Is masturbation so bad? From a Way of Beauty point of view it is because it is the body dominating the mind.

But from a Way of Love point of view it isn’t. Sex is an expression of love and if your love is responsible I don’t think it is bad.

In April 2006 my father died age 81, so from this point on I became a carer for my mother. I lived a 35 minute train journey and 10 minute bus journey away from her bungalow in North Wales. I think the Bible says Honour your parents, so I looked after her. After Dad died she got a male kitten she called Whiskie, she loved that cat and so did I.

As Mum became more and more infirm I went home every weekend. During the week we had a care agency that was paid for out her welfare allowance. This situation went on for the next 10+ years.

At this time I had a FFWPU church contact called Ron – it was a fresh start for me.

I told him right at the beginning that my faith is based on giving ie a Way of Love type faith and that I am miss-understood by my Abel figures because of this and he said he would consider that.

At first the relationship was polite but I was still masturbating and I asked Ron for help. At first he said he understood but when I was unable to respond to his care he then went on to say that it was a mental health issue and I needed to talk to my nurse.

I couldn’t understand how he could be so cruel. I didn’t agree with his overbearing and strict approach. This situation went on for many weeks.

And this got me thinking.

Why did Jenny all those years ago say I wasn’t obeying her when clearly I had obeyed everything she had asked me to do? And I thought about it and I thought I gave every obedience during the day but when I went home I was masturbating. And I thought That was the reason! So this was a real breakthrough for me, because from this I could realise that there are two ways to relate to God:-

1. As an object of beauty where the individual’s mind always dominates the body all the time – certainly no masturbation.

2. And as a loving subject where the individual gives love to God and lives a life of sacrifice. In this case sex can be seen as an expression and a reflection of that principled love and is not necessarily bad.

Got it?

So, I simplified and stylised this idea and sent it to Ron.

Ron was quite angry and said I was making up my own Principle. But I knew an intellectual in the FFWPU, a man called David Hanna, and I asked Ron if I could ask him for a second opinion. Ron said Yes and so I asked David for his view and David was very complimentary and said I was on the verge of discovering something new.

So, I told Ron what David had said and then Ron said Of course it’s true, what you are saying is clearly based on the Principle. So, he was contradicting himself.

But Ron was still cross with me and kept saying I was mentally ill and that he couldn’t help me and that I needed mental health treatment. In the end I thought This man is completely dead to the Love Type Holy Spirit which is why he is so ignorant! He’s dead. He can’t breathe and sense the Air Type Holy Spirit.

So I told him this and I asked Ron for a new Abel Figure. He refused. And then I requested to be referred under the Complaints Procedure, again he refused.

So, bravely and in desperation, I got on the phone to the UK HQ and spoke to a secretary and got the email address of the National Leader and man called Matthew Huish and then I wrote my theory down and sent it to him and I explained the things Ron had been saying. Matthew immediately gave me a new Abel Figure.
So, now I’d discovered something new. I had a new found understanding and confidence in my faith and I also believed that my two ways to relate to God theory explained everything.

So, I began to write it down as a series of 3 essays (which are now published on this website).

It should be noted that Ron worked on those 21 Day Workshops all those years ago.

As an aside to this story there is the friendship I have formed with a younger girl, who doesn’t want to be identified by me, so I will call her Karen (not her real name). Karen is gay and is Catholic and through our relationship I was able to confess my sin and deepen my root. She is a deeply rooted Water Type and she has taught me how to understand this type of faith.

It is a confirmation of my theory that I can understand Karen as a deeply rooted Water Type Holy Spirit type person, develop an excellent and deep friendship with her and grow a spiritual root within myself.

Also, I decided I wanted to read about beautiful people because I had realised that Internal Beauty is a particular weakness of mine. I thought and thought Who is the deepest most spirited beautiful person I have heard of? And I thought of Frank Sinatra.

So I bought a biography of Frank Sinatra by his last wife Barbara. Public opinion on Sinatra is mixed, some people say he is good, others say he is bad. But Barbara said he is the most passionate, generous, kind, romantic and brave person she had ever come across. I realised many things by reading about Frank – I guess you could say that I believe within modern history he is one of God’s leading lights as a Way of Beauty type person. I’ve realised a great deal by reading about him.

Both Karen and Sinatra drink. They find themselves in a social situation and enjoy a drink – and in this way I’ve learnt how to enjoy myself with friends by having a drink. It definitely helps. It’s a Way of Beauty characteristic ie to be totally relaxed, happy and inspired.